“Love your partner with all your heart, not just your head. Because logic is the foundation, and emotion gives it life. “
Many people ask me, “Why aren’t I married yet?” It’s as if marriage were just another thing to cross off your list. Life has taught me to choose a partner wisely and not only passionately.
“Love is more than a feeling. It is a decision, a commitment and, sometimes, even a sacrifice.The heart may guide you to passion, but only your mind can lead you to peace. “
The world has taught me that love isn’t always fair. For some people, they may marry more than once or even twice. But for others like me, it could be their last chance. This is not said with bitterness but rather with honesty because if I’ve learned anything from life, it’s the fact that love alone does not suffice.
A Five-Year Shadow
It took me five years to forget my first relationship, which lasted for three years. The first year (2019) of my relationship was full of joy, hope, and dreams. What about the next two? Chaos. The pandemic (2020-2022 Feb) tore us apart, our family obligations, and my struggles as a freelancer.
When he remarried another woman immediately just after divorce, I thought: Why can’t I? The truth is that I’m not sure if I’m willing to or ready for it. Love has made me cautious and maybe even heartless, not by choice but by necessity.
Love is more than just feelings.
Society tells us, “Follow your heart!” But my heart led me to heartbreak. I realized that while love is essential, it cannot be the only foundation. Affection, peace, stability, and mutual growth matter just as much. Some people marry multiple times, but for me, the next one has to be the last—because I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes.
I’ve seen marriages fail because people rushed in, blinded by emotion, only to realize too late that they weren’t truly compatible. Love fades when life gets hard—but respect, understanding, and shared values remain.
If I ever love again, it won’t just be because my heart races—it’ll be because my mind says, “This is right.” I want peace, not just passion. A partner who stands strong when storms hit, not one who disappears when life gets tough.
Children need more than just parents
“Love is blind, but marriage requires a clear vision. “
Life partners are not just people who make your heart sing. They’re the ones who stand beside you during life’s most difficult decisions, who support your dreams and who share your values.
I can remember the exact moment when I realized this. I always wanted to have a family, a loving home with children in the hallways, and a partner who would cherish each moment. What if it wasn’t easy to become a parent? What if the path to parenthood was not straightforward? Will the person I love be there for me, not only in times of joy but also in times of struggle?
Then it dawned on me: choosing a partner for life shouldn’t be about how I feel right now, but whether we can have a prosperous future together. Anything is possible if I have his support and if he understands my dreams and truly stands by them. If he does not, why would I even choose him?
Wisdom is the foundation of love. The partner you choose with your mind, and not just your heart, is the one who will be there for you in every storm. That is the love that’s worth waiting for.
Your partner should lift you, not weigh you down
His family was the one who misunderstood me. Sometimes, they would be playful or vague, but sometimes, it was more serious. Initially, I thought it was all good fun. Slowly, I began to realize that not everyone is joking.
These jokes were weaponized outside of our private moments. The innocent remark that I was “always confusing” became a narrative used by others against me. These words were used against me in professional circles, with friends and even at family gatherings. What started as a joke became a label that I could not shake.
I learned this the hard way. When someone paints you constantly as confused, forgetful or irresponsible, even as a joke, others will start to believe it. Once that perception sticks, then it can damage your career and reputation.
The love you feel shouldn’t be a test that you are constantly failing. During the early years of my career, I was still trying to find my feet. I struggled, learned, and worked hard to build my future. There was an unspoken requirement: Cook three times a week, maintain a perfect home, and excel in your career.
It was overwhelming. It was overwhelming. I couldn’t balance work and family; I felt like I was drowning under demands that didn’t allow me to grow. Your partner should not be a burden but an ally. They don’t need a partner if they expect you to do everything without support. They want a performer.
It was then that I realized that love isn’t just about feelings; it’s also about making the right choices. Relationships should enrich your life and not drain you. You should reevaluate your life if you are constantly tired or sacrificing yourself to fulfill someone else’s dreams.
I chose myself. I decided to live a life in which my value was not defined by the role I played but rather by how much growth I could achieve. It meant I had to find someone who not only loved me emotionally but also respected me logically. Someone who valued my goals as much as theirs.
You will find passion in your heart, but peace will come from your mind. Good partners don’t make your problems worse; they just make them easier. They do not let others define who you are; they will stand up for you when false narratives are told.
If you find yourself at a crossroads in your life, ask yourself this question: Is this person someone who lifts me or one who drags me down? A partner should ultimately be a safe place, not another battle that you must fight each day.
The burden of perfection
I have always lived a life that is a delicate balance of duty and desire. It’s balancing my parents’ expectations with my unspoken desires. I was raised to believe that the respect a daughter deserves is based on her obedience, and her value is determined by what she does for her family. I never dated any man, rebelled against them, or gave any reason for anyone to doubt my loyalty. Even when I was struggling, when my problems were weighing me down, I solved them quietly, never burdening anyone.
No matter how hard I tried, nothing was enough. I would be blamed for a single mistake or a minor misstep. Parents scolded me, relatives whispered, and I swallowed the words. I thought it was love. As time went on, I began to realize something painful: Love shouldn’t make you feel empty. Respect shouldn’t only be one-way.
It was at this point that I realized that choosing a partner for life based on emotions and fleeting feelings is like building a home on sand. The heart is impulsive. It craves love and validation. It wants to belong. But what about the mind? The mind is more than just a mere observer. The mind asks, “Will this person be there for me in storms? Will they treat me with respect when the rest of the world does not? Will they become my partner to build a future, and not just temporary comforts?
They never taught me that. They taught me self-respect but not sacrifice. They taught me duty but not discernment. So, I found out the hard way that love alone is not enough. It is essential to choose a life partner with insight, wisdom, and understanding. Marriage is more than passion.
I refused to harm myself any longer. I refused to accept that my value was based on my blind obedience or my ability to make others happy. As I got older, I realized that what matters most is my financial security, mental peace, career, and future. All of this does not mean abandoning my parents. This simply means that love and logic must be balanced.
It won’t just be because my heart is fluttering. My mind will trust him to respect and stand by me. I want to create a life in which I am more than just a daughter or wife.
A love that does not honour the mind is never going to nourish the soul.
Why I no longer believe in words
Words are like flowers – they float and look beautiful but quickly fade. The roots determine whether love grows and if it withers. “
I used to believe that love was all about sweet whispers and poetic declarations. Life taught me that words are easy, but actions are more real.
The men who spoke like poets but acted like strangers
I’ve known men who were masters at persuasion, especially those in sales. He would say the right words: “You are amazing,” “I will always stand by your side,” and “Nobody understands me better than you.”
Then came the reality.
- While I worried he would stumble drunk home at 2 AM.
- He was afraid to defend me when the family insulted me, and so he remained silent.
- He didn’t notice when my glasses broke or when my skin burned in the heat of the kitchen under a cheap bra.
She would whisper to herself, “But he loves me,” holding on to the sweet memories of his sweet nothings.
But love doesn’t speak. It’s proven.
He doesn’t just tell you he loves you; he does it. He won’t allow others to disrespect you. He knows when you are in pain. He does not disappear into the night only to return later with an excuse. His words are matched by his actions, or better yet, they speak louder than words could ever do.
The heart can be easily fooled. The heart is easily fooled. It jumps at promises and flattery. But what about the mind? The mind is a pattern-seer. The mind remembers broken spectacles and unwashed plates, silent treatments and empty chairs at dinner. The mind understands that love is not a show but a daily decision, which is reflected by actions and not words.
When choosing a partner for life, you shouldn’t only listen to their words. Look at what they are doing. In the end, their actions will determine your worth in their lives.
Why Career, Money and Independence Are Not Optional
When I was younger, I found it challenging to maintain a balance between my professional and personal life. Freelancing allowed me to pursue my passion for writing. Society often told women that they had to choose between their dreams and their home. I refused to accept it. The real test was when I met someone who loved me deeply but had unspoken expectations.
Yes, he loved me, but it was a possessive love, not a supportive one. He wanted me to be happy, but only within his boundaries. He became restless because of my late-night writing sessions. To him, my consulting work was a distraction and not an integral part of me. Slowly, I began to realize that love without understanding is a prison.
When I met someone new, my life changed. He respected me, not just loved me.
- He did not see my career in a negative light but rather as an integral part of who I am.
- He did not just tolerate but encouraged my ambitions.
- He made me coffee when deadlines kept me up at night.
- He stepped up without complaining when meetings and chores clashed.
- He shared not only my heart but my life.
That’s when I understood that intention matters more than infatuation. A partner who aligns with your mind, not just your heart, doesn’t ask you to give up your dreams. They are there to help you along the way.
Love should not limit but lift. We must not only choose with our hearts but also with our heads because a partner who is truly yours will never complete you. They keep you complete.
Why Women Must Protect Their Own Lives
Some people say, “If he is in love with you, then why would you need to have a career?” What if the love fades away? What if the man who promised to be faithful forever one day changes his mind?
I’ve watched marriages fall apart at ages 40, 50 and even 60. I’ve seen women lose everything because they trusted too much. This is why I believe:
- Insurance: Premiums increase as you age. You should always have your own. Remember that nominees are constantly changing, so don’t assume that you will be protected forever.
- A house in your name: Never be at the mercy of someone else’s mood, whether as a nominee or co-owner. I’ve seen wives thrown out of their homes after decades of marriage and left with nothing. Your home is your safety network.
- Savings is Freedom. I have known men who left their wives at 40 with only alimony and no absolute security. When people leave, your money remains.
- Career – When all else fails, you can escape with your job. You can leave, rebuild, and start over. You’re stuck without it.
A man who loves you will not ask you to shrink. He’ll encourage you to grow. He is a partner if he encourages your writing, freelance work, and dreams. If not, then he is just another burden that drags you down.
The Hardest Reality
Once, I had complete trust in my parents, my husband and even my children. But time changes people.
- As parents age, you will need them more.
- The love of a spouse can fade. It only takes one person and one moment to destroy years of trust.
- The children leave; They build their own lives, and you cannot depend on them to be happy.
I’ve known women in their 50s and 60s who were divorced with no home or companionship but had money. Money is helpful, but can’t replace mutual respect or love.
What Do I Want Now?
They say, “Find a guy who will take care of you.” I say, “Find a guy who will not make you choose between himself and yourself.”
Now, I don’t believe that love is enough. Now, I’m looking for:
The woman I will be in 50 years is not just the woman of today.
When the roses fade, I will not only be grateful for the romance but also for the life that I deserve.
- I want a partner who will support my dreams and not drown them in demands.
- I respect a man who does not only do it when it is convenient.
- Love is built on logic, not only fleeting emotions
Because, in the end, you are the one who should have the most love to share. No one, not your partner, not your parent, and not even your child, can make you forget this.
A life partner is your refuge, not just another storm. This time, I will not settle for anything less.
The Balanced Heart
It’s not about not loving deeply; it’s about loving intelligently.
I still believe in:
- I will care for my parents (whether they are mine or his), even if from afar, even if it’s at my own expense.
- I can devote myself to my partner, but not make him the centre of my universe
- You can only have children with someone who knows that they are raising adults and not babies.
The Mature Truth No One Tells You
Love is beautiful, but it’s a bad foundation. Build your life around something more solid: self-respect and independence, as well as practical security. When love comes into your life, it will enhance it rather than define it.
Now I’m choosing with my head. It’s not because I have stopped believing in the love of my life, but rather because I now believe in myself more. That’s when everything changes.