The first time she heard it, she laughed. A breathy, nervous sound the kind you hear when you’re unsure if you’re dreaming or not. The woman who was in the mirror had her face, freckles, and the same tired eyes from many hours of studying feminist theories. However, the lips that were moving in the mirror said something completely different.
“You’re overreacting. Not everything is oppression. “
She blinks. The reflection also blinked. The words, however, lingered on as smoke, curling in their air.
The Fractured Self
We want to believe that our minds are united. That the voice inside our heads will always be ours as a single and undisputed voice. What does it mean when the voice begins to split? If the face that is staring back at you begins to whisper the same things that you’ve fought against?
To this feminist – let’s call her Leah the mirror turned into the scene of battle. The Other Her appeared to be subtle. A sigh as Leah began to rant about patriarchy. A raised eyebrow as she was able to correct a man’s racist joke. The reflections then became larger.
“Why do you have to be so angry all the time? “
“Maybe if you smiled more, you’d get further. “
“You’re not like those real feminists. You’re reasonable. “
Her hands shook as she placed them against the glass. “You’re not me,” she said.
The reflection smiled. “Aren’t I? “
Colonized Consciousness
Internalized misogyny doesn’t simply mean holding some sexist views it’s the subconscious acceptance of a society that is hostile to women, and before turning the hatred towards yourself. This is the section of yourself that shivers when you hear a woman speak loudly, is irritated at hairstyles, and hesitates to declare yourself a feminist because you don’t want people to consider you to be difficult.
But what happens if the internalized voice isn’t an echo? What if it took on an identity of its own?
Psychologically speaking, this doesn’t seem as crazy. A theory called structure dissociation suggests that when a person is traumatized or under psychological pressure, the mind can split into two different selves, one that clings to survival and the other that uses the language of the oppressor. For women, the oppressor is everywhere, such as in the media, religion, and in the way that little girls are acknowledged as “good” (quiet, obedient, and small).
Leah’s reflection was not a dream. It was a part of her that had been taught to live by being nice.
The Other Her is Winning
The fear wasn’t in the mirror’s conversation but in the way sensible the Other Her’s voice sounded.
“You’ll never change anything by being so aggressive. “
“Men aren’t the enemy. You’re just bitter. “
“Maybe you are too sensitive. “
Every occasion Leah tried to defend herself with her reflection, it twisted her logic to her. Did she have a paranoia? Did she become the hysterical person the world was expecting her to be?
The most terrifying aspect of internalized misogyny lies in how attractive it can be. It provides relief. It says stop fighting. Tells you. Be a part of the group. Be loved. The Other Her was not the monster. She was a version of Leah who was able to walk around the world without having a person to target her back.
And Leah was exhausted.
Reclaiming the Reflection
The turning point was when Leah, exhausted, questioned her mirror, “What do you want from me? “
The Other Her stopped. Then, she said softly: “I want you to be safe. “
It’s the truth. Internalized misogyny doesn’t only stem from self-hatred; it’s a distorted method of self-preservation. The portion of Leah who recited patriarchal beliefs was trying to shield herself from backlash, loneliness, pain, and continuous resistance.
But survival isn’t as good as freedom.
Leah breathed deeply. “I don’t need you to protect me anymore.”
The reflection changed. For a brief moment, they looked at each other. They were two parts of the same broken whole. Then, slowly, the Other Her shook her head. For the first time, her lips moved with Leah’s.
The Mirror as Metaphor
Everyone has an Other Her. It’s the voice that says we’re not worthy,t we need to shrink, and that our anger is not feminine. Her legacy is a long line of women who needed to smile to stay alive.
However, she doesn’t need to be successful.
The next time you glance at the mirror and hear that whisper, be more quiet, be smaller, be more gentle to love remember that it’s not you. It’s the ghost of the world that is afraid of women who will not go away.
Eye her. Let her know that you’re not worried to be afraid anymore.
Watch as, slowly, she begins to resemble you in a new way.