Hello Dearest Self,
If you are reading this, I hope that you are feeling firm – softer in places that used to hurt but more powerful where it counts. But if today feels heavier than usual for you, please come close.
Let me remind you what is already true but easily forgotten: you are your greatest ally.
Self-Love Isn’t Selfish
Survival Society will often tell us to earn love through sacrifice, perfection or people pleasing, or try convincing us our worth is measured in likes, applause or by another’s approval of us, but now you understand better.
1. “You are enough, exactly as you are.” Say it aloud now–even if your voice shakes. Let the words sink past doubts, old scars, and voices that once made you feel smaller until they ring true for your bones. Say it until your bones believe it.
Example: That time when you wept in the bathroom at work because you felt you weren’t “smart enough” to keep up? Well, you were. Or when you lie awake replaying every mistake and feeling guilty? No need for that; they weren’t “too much” or “not enough”. Never were.
Accept that you are not an issue to fix; instead, you are an eternal spirit who needs no improvement.
2. Loving yourself unconditionally should always be your goal; otherwise, it only creates further hurtful situations for both of you. Instead, why put pressure on yourself?
Example: Imagine this: Instead of binge eating after a breakup and feeling ashamed at your reflection, what if instead you wrapped yourself up and said: “You are hurting, not broken? Let me care for you”? Feel this: Compassion for yourself, especially on days you feel unlovable, because that is when it counts most.
3. Boundaries are acts of love: “Boundaries are love in action”.
Not everyone deserves access to your heart, however. Some will treat it like an inexpensive motel room by trashing everything when they depart and leaving lights illuminated after them.
For instance, that “friend” who only calls when needed but disappears when there’s support required? Or the partners who made you plead for basic respect were not villains–they were teachings. No is an acceptable answer, and “No” must always be accepted without question or apology.
Remember this: Conserving energy isn’t cruel; it’s part of staying soft in an often brutal world that misinterprets kindness as weakness.
Take a deep breath. Focus your intention on your heart: When feeling unseen or forgotten about, love yourself more loudly. When exhausted, rest as though your life depends on it (because it does). When someone makes you question who or what you are, walk away as if your soul depends on it (because it does).
Start acting like the entire universe is dependent upon you! You are one of a kind. Start living like it now.
Treat Your Peace Like It Is Precious Life
External noise, broken relationships and unpredictable storms will inevitably arise, yet your peace should never be up for negotiation; any person or circumstance who undermines or disrupts it deserves no place in your life.
On those days when life weighs heavy on your chest and people (or worse, yourself) try to convince you of either being too much or not enough, I urge you to pause, place a hand over your heart, and ask yourself the two most pertinent questions:
1. “Does This Person/Place/Situation Nourish Or Deplete Me?”
Close your eyes. Imagine that friend who always leaves you feeling lighter–someone who listens without judgment and celebrates your successes as though they were their successes–that friend can provide nourishment for you. That is nourishment.
Now, recall the coworker or family member whose constant complaints leave you depleted, the one who picks at old wounds or who posts comments that sap your energy – this is depletion. Your body shouldn’t become an empty shell for negativity to accumulate – remember your role as a gardener! Care for what helps grow. Inquire within yourself: Is my depletion worth my while?
1. Are they leaving me feeling energized or exhausted?
Do I feel safe around them, or am I forced into subordinating myself to fit in?
2. Are You Holding On Out of Love or Fear?” Let’s say your relationship has outgrown its original purpose, yet you cling to it out of comfort because “it has always been this way”. Or your job that pays the bills but saps away at your soul, or those habits you keep simply because change can be scary: ask yourself whether this decision was out of fear rather than love.
Love feels like roots–steady, deep and life-giving; fear feels like chains. Examples: Staying in an unhealthy friendship because you fear being alone? That is fear.
*When setting boundaries with someone close to you because you respect yourself too much to accept mistreatment, that is love.
Trick: Your Golden Armor of Peace
When life becomes overwhelming, visualize this: Imagine that there’s a warm golden light surrounding you like an unbreakable shield; once it touches this golden light, negativity disappears and dissipates instantly into nothingness. Give this a try now: Imagine it now and feel the difference: Your Golden Armor of Peace.
Recall an offensive comment or stressful moment from recently. Imagine it as smoke reaching out and hitting your light, dissipating.
Breathe deeply as peace returns – this is your power; no one can take it from you without your permission.
My Love, it is not your responsibility to fix everyone and endure anything that dims your light. You are allowed to walk away from whatever harms you, no matter if it hurts and no matter if others don’t understand.
Your peace is sacred. Treat it like the most valuable possession you own–because it truly is. I pledge all my heartfelt fidelity to The You Who Learned the Hard Way.
Be Forgiving of Yourselves for Making Bad Decisions
Looking back, it can be painfully clear when we make poor choices in our past lives–be they forgoing necessary freedoms or abandoning ourselves out of peer pressure–but those versions of ourselves were attempting to do the best with what tools were available at that time.
Some days, self-love may come naturally when we catch ourselves looking in the mirror and smiling instead of criticizing or choosing rest without guilt. Other days, it can feel dauntingly difficult–when old insecurities remind us that “You aren’t enough” or when people-pleasing becomes your only form of relief.
And that’s OK. Growth doesn’t follow a straight path; it’s messy. Sometimes, progress occurs at two steps forward and one back, like when setting boundaries with toxic friends only to wonder whether your approach was too harsh or saying no to demanding requests only to feel guilted out later by replays in your head.
Here’s the truth:
* When your relationship wasn’t quite right for you anymore? You were learning. And those times when self-doubt overwhelmed your thoughts while scrolling social media for validation? They were healing.
* For every apology that seemed excessive or, yes, that seemed insincere, every time you faked agreeing with something when your soul demanded no, know this: Your past doesn’t define who you are now; those previous versions did their best with what tools were available at that time – forgive them now that you know better; hold their memories gently before whispering: “We don’t need to do this any longer”. Attempt this:
Write a letter to your younger self who believed love must be earned through suffering and tell them:
“Thanks for carrying us through the storms; now darling, we’re safe; no longer do we have to shrink, beg, or bleed just to be loved; instead, we get to choose softness!”
Healing doesn’t involve forgetting the past; instead, it consists of turning towards yourself with empathy and saying: ‘I see you. I forgive you. Now let’s work together.”
Joy Is Your Birth right–Claim It
My dear darling, Happiness does not need to be earned or acquired to bring joy into your life. Happiness should not be seen as something to achieve through hard work or shrinkage of body size – joy should be celebrated and unabashedly pursued every single day as part of living an authentic, adventurous, unapologetic existence that includes choosing yourself over and over.
Happiness Lives in Small Revolutions
“No–today, I belong to me.”
Dancing alone in your kitchen to songs that take you back to being 16 and fearless while your laughter fills up your entire living space in worship.
Saying “no” without guilt when your people-pleasing heart races are power. Once the phone call ends, exhale, and the sky doesn’t fall! Instead, life adjusts itself around your boundaries rather than vice versa – that is power!
Spend a whole day relaxing without regret, sheets tangled around your legs, books pressed against your chest while the sun casts golden rays onto your skin – without feeling pressure to be productive, just simply enjoying every second. This experience is sacred. Your Joy List–A Love Letter to Your Soul
Create it. Hold onto it close. Let it serve as your beacon back home when life threatens to dim your light.
A bouquet of fresh flowers on your desk–even if no one else sees them–will bring peace and comforting reminders that all is right with the world. Their petals blush pink softly as an intimate secret just for you.
That one song that makes your pulse race and feet move without hesitation–play it out loud, sing along to its lyrics, and enjoy!
Imagine standing barefoot on grass, digging your toes deep into the earth like you’re reconnecting to yourself as an earth creature. As the breeze caresses your shoulders, and for just one brief moment, you forget you have any “responsibility.” Instead, all that remains is simply light beings breathing freely in an ever-evolving universe.
Take this action: the next time joy seems far off or like something you must earn or pursue, open your Joy List. Select something small but meaningful from there as your rebellion. Let it serve as a reminder that happiness doesn’t need to be earned – you already deserve it.
You Are Your Life’s Love
Romantic love, friendships and family can bring great pleasure into life–such as sunlight streaming through windows or the hearty laughter shared between family members–but they should never replace what can only ever come from within yourself: no one else can fill those special places within that are uniquely yours to hold.
1. “I Am Enough All by Myself.”
Think back to that quiet Sunday morning when you snuggled under your favourite blanket while sipping coffee while the world slept. There was no need for anyone else – that was peace within. That moment represented wholeness.
After your breakup, how you found the strength to put yourself back together without looking outside for help is an indication of someone who understands their completeness and has confidence in themselves.
2. “I Choose Me Even When it is Hard.”
For instance, when turning down an intense job that paid well but would have sapped your energy and spirit. Instead of succumbing to doubt and taking what could have been an easy path about money vs soul decisions, you put yourself first by choosing yourself over cash (even when doubt made noises about “What If It Backfires?).
Or when you made the hard choice to end a friendship that made you feel weak. Even though it hurt, you remained strong through it all – this was bravery at work.
3. “My Love for Me Is Unshakable.”
Consider how you have forgiven yourself for past missteps–cringe-worthy choices or times you let others cross your boundaries–rather than abandon yourself in shame, perhaps saying to yourself, “We learn. We grow.”
Last week, when you stood before the mirror to admire your stretch marks or scars without criticism or judgement, perhaps something small shifted within you – The Mirror Exercise could be part of that tiny revolution!
Sounds silly? Give it a try: every morning, when you look yourself in the eye and say one positive statement out loud, such as, ‘I love how my eyes crinkle when I laugh’, this practice may become addictive and help build self-love and positivity!
Or say to yourself, “I love that I never give up, even when I want to.” At first, you may blush or rush through it – but over time, your voice will grow bolder until finally, your conviction kicks in, and self-love becomes unshakeable. So the next time, life feels dull (do this immediately)!
Joy can come from simple pleasures as much as grand adventures: * When life becomes monotonous, take the opportunity to shake things up: Put on that song that makes your soul vibrate–one you wouldn’t usually play around others–and dance as though no one’s watching (because nobody is.)
Treat yourself to that delicious pastry just because it comes in the shape of a heart – enjoy it without guilt!
Text your friend: “Tell me one thing you love about me” and listen carefully when they respond; instead of deflecting their comments with dismissive remarks, sit with what they have to say and let it sink in before responding with more of your own.
Keep this truth close: Your love for yourself will never abandon you, no matter which partners may come or go; friendships may change and come and go, but your self-love remains constant – its foundation forming the basis of all else in your life.
Take a minute tonight when you are curled up in bed to place your hand over your heart, feel its steady beat, and acknowledge its beauty as a reminder that YOU ARE the love of your life; now act accordingly. In love and gratitude from All My Love To YOU, the You Who Knows Their Worth.
P.S. If this feels challenging right now, that’s OK; come back to this letter whenever necessary. I am always here as a source of reassurance and support.
Final Whisper:
Future You, I hope that you have built a life where self-love is at the core. However, should any doubt arise regarding that statement, reread this letter and think back on how far you have come.
Never forget you are your own most incredible love story, and cherish every aspect of who you are today, including Your Past Self.
With all the love in the universe.