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The Story of a Woman in Her 30s

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  • LETTER TO SELF
  • The Story of a Woman in Her 30s
  • June 22, 2025
  • sweta leena Panda
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“Life may not always give you choices, but you can always choose how to live it.”

I am in my 30s and live alone with purpose and peace. My journey was not blessed with privilege or constant support. It’s mine. Raw. Real. Resilient.

How do you manage to do everything by yourself? It’s hard. It’s not easy. But I have accepted the fact that nobody else will come to my rescue. Maybe that’s how my strength started.

My Dreams and My Decisions

“The past is a place of reference, not residence.”

This quote echoes in my mind as I map out my journey—a blend of dreams, discipline, and determination. Life hasn’t always been kind, but I’ve learned that settling into the future I envision requires equal parts planning and courage.

Here’s how I’m weaving my story:

Step 1: Protecting My Legacy

I’ve named my parents as nominees in my term life and accidental coverage plans. Nowadays, everyone has one insurance plan for their family, and I have mine. It’s just a trust. It’s a small reassurance that if life takes an unexpected turn, they won’t bear the weight of my expenses. But my goal is to thrive, not just prepare for the worst.

Step 2: Investing in Myself

By January, I’ll freeze my eggs (₹1.50 lakh)—a gift to my future self, preserving the possibility of motherhood on my terms.

Meanwhile, I’m working tirelessly, saving for bigger dreams:

  • Education abroad (₹1-2 lakh for visas, colleges, travel).
  • A fresh start (₹50k for clothes and self-care—because confidence matters).

Step 3: Freedom and Love

I’ll move out, download a marriage app, and open my heart cautiously. No more chaos; just 1-2 meaningful connections. The goal? A partner who’s a teammate, not just a romance. Together, we’ll tackle my loans (no guarantor, just grit) and clear them in 3-5 months.

The Final Picture

With stability, I’ll plan for a child—maybe even twins or surrogacy, or adoption, and settle into a life built on my terms. The past taught me resilience, but the future? It’s mine to design.

“Settlement isn’t surrender; it’s the art of building a life that holds you as tightly as you’ve held your dreams.”

My Daily Life

I have a daily routine that helps me stay grounded.

  • I’m awake at 4:40/5:00 am.
  • 5:10–5:10 am– I start my day by deep meditation and finding calm in the chaos.
  • 5:10-5:15 AM– I warm up with light exercises.
  • I prepare my daily meals between 5:15 and 6:30 am
  • I am leaving for work at 7:00 am.
  • I eat breakfast at the office.
  • 9:00 am-4:00 pm– I do my best at work and plan my future during my breaks.
  • 4:00–4:40 pm – I return home.
  • 5:30–6:30 pm – Gym. My sanctuary of power.
  • I eat my dinner slowly and with mindfulness.
  • 8:00-9:00 PM I offer prayer and meditate again.
  • 9:00–10:00 pm – I write, prepare for IELTS as I am poor in English pronunciation. My journal contains my fears, thoughts, and lessons.
  • 10:00-10.20 PM I let go of today, trust God and sleep peacefully.

It is more than a routine. This is discipline done with grace. It reminds me that I can be certain even if the world seems uncertain.

“Man Proposes, God Disposes”

Life has a way of teaching us lessons we never signed up for. I’ve come to understand that no matter how carefully we plan, how desperately we wish, or how hard we fight, some things are simply beyond our control. And when life strikes—when it knocks you down so hard your bones ache with the weight of disappointment—all you can do is gather the broken pieces and try again. Not for anyone else, but for yourself.

The Weight of Being Called “Selfish”

People have called me selfish. At first, it stung. Then, I realized—those who throw that word around have never stood where I’ve stood. They haven’t known what it’s like to love deeply and receive nothing in return, to give your all only to be left empty-handed.

I’ll be honest—I want love. Not the kind I have to beg for, not the kind that demands I shrink myself to fit into someone else’s expectations. I want love that meets me where I am, love that sees me—flaws, dreams, stubbornness, and all—and still chooses to stay.

But here’s the truth: I don’t always choose myself the way I should. My self-respect wavers. My ambition? Sometimes it burns bright; other times, it flickers like a candle in the wind. Maybe these struggles will vanish when I do, but until then, I fight. I fight hard—for my worth, for my dreams, for the life I want. And yet, no matter how much I fight, I love even harder.

I won’t chase after scraps of affection anymore. If love comes, it must come freely, or not at all.

My Unshakable Flaws

“Sometimes the hardest battles are not with the world, but with the self—the doubts, the pride, the relentless hunger for something more.”

I’ve always known I don’t lack character. I stand by my values, my word, my love—unyielding, even when the world pushes back. But there’s a deeper struggle, one that shadows me: a relentless clash between my self-respect and my ambition.

I fight hard—oh, I fight so hard. For dreams that feel just out of reach, for a life that feels worthy of the fire inside me. But I also love harder. That, perhaps, is my greatest strength and my deepest vulnerability. My last relationship taught me that. I gave everything—my trust, my heart, my unwavering devotion—only to realize too late that love alone cannot decipher the mysteries of another’s heart.

I cannot read a man’s mind. I cannot peel back the layers of his intentions or force honesty where it does not live. All I have is what’s in my hands—my effort, my choices, my refusal to let life pass me by without leaving my mark.

Maybe when I’m gone, these struggles will vanish with me. But until then, I will keep fighting—for the respect I deserve, for the love I give freely, for the life I refuse to let slip away unnoticed. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s this: I may not control the world, but I will control my own story.

Parents: The Complicated Truth

We’re told that parents are our first protectors, our eternal safety nets. But what if they’re not? What if, instead of solutions, they bring more complications? I’ve learned to respect mine, but I no longer expect them to fix my life. It forced me to rely on myself, to become my foundation.

Strong Single Woman Vs An Orphan

There’s a difference between being a strong single woman and being an orphan. Both know solitude intimately. Both carry their burdens alone. But a strong woman, at least, usually has resources—financial stability, a career, a network. An orphan? They start with nothing but their own will. No safety net, no backup plan. Just the relentless need to keep going.

The Truth No One Wants to Hear

This is the unspoken truth of life: no matter how many people surround you, your battles are yours alone. No one fights them for you. No one feels your pain the way you do. And yet—there’s a strange power in that solitude. When you realize you’ve survived everything life has thrown at you so far, you begin to understand your own strength.

Maybe that’s enough. Maybe, just maybe, the fight itself is what makes us who we are.

My story.
I may not have it perfect.
But mine. And I’ll live it fully.

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